The Last Three Weeks

The last three weeks (since our last doctor appointment) have been quiet and uneventful in terms of my health! Hooray! Both the echocardiogram and the glucose test came back negative for changes, and I have been feeling somewhat restored of energy since finishing the school year. Bryan took a trip to California, and I resumed my summer job working as an assistant property manager for a local company. No heart issues to speak of, though now it is getting hot, I am getting even more puffy and sweaty, and thus more short on breath. I think this little guy has dropped somewhat, so in terms of pregnancy, my only complaint is the excessive need to pee! He has been busy working on his backstrokes and karate chops in there, and while I am proud of his sweet, innocent endeavors, I would also like to not be disturbed while trying to rest at night :-). Feeling him during the day, though, is always reassuring.

Tomorrow we go see our perinatalogist, and after this appointment, we will see her once every two weeks until closer to delivery date. Tomorrow we hope to get more answers on when to plan on having this baby. My own family situation has changed, and we think my dad is passing away from a long time battle with multiple system atrophy, a neurological condition that slowly (over a couple decades) debilitates his body. He is in the end stages now, though is hanging on until this baby is born. We are believers in God and Heaven, however, and we know that no matter the outcome, he will see this baby. But it would be nice if he could hang on until August. This is also when one of my sisters is planning to arrive to help my mom and help with the baby. So if we could "plan" the delivery time, that would be fantastic. :-)So hopefully tomorrow there will be more updates.

Until then, here is a photographic collection of the past few weeks, as we prepare for this very special arrival:

Baby Dylan (this is his intended name :-)) received his first, very own addressed package in the mail this week! This beautiful quilt came from my sister's mother in law, who my niece affectionately calls Nanny Tanny. She has been praying steadfastly for our health throughout this pregnancy, and she understands Bryan's passion for cars, which may (hopefully) transfer on down the line :-).

 We finally bought our own (very first) brand new couch! No more hand me downs! Once Bryan's brother moved out, we told him to take the old couch and we replaced it with this sectional from Costco.

 Bryan was sure he could fit all three pieces into the bed of our (new to us) truck- a little Ford Ranger! You can't see the doubting Costco employee behind the stacks, gently encouraging him to make separate trips instead.

 I took this picture of the daddy to be on one of our many dinners out this month. You would think with not working over time anymore, I would have more time (or desire) to cook. Nope.

 For the record, this is Fuzzy. I don't think he has been introduced on this blog yet. He is the expectant big brother- 11 years senior. :-)

 And this is my dad. I took this picture of him right before a recent downturn. This was maybe the last time he could sit at the kitchen table (with the help of his wheelchair) and carry on a coherent conversation.

 Bryan has a couple buddies getting married within the year. Should Bryan be a groomsman, I would like to dress Dylan up similarly for kicks. I found this strapping suit at Burlington Coat Factory, and took this picture to remind myself later :-). This suit is very much like the all-white prom suit Bryan proudly wore to our first prom as a "couple" in 2001! (see previous blog)

 

 For our 7th wedding anniversary on June 24, Bryan surprised me at my job with these gorgeous roses and some other treats to enjoy. He is so sweet :-).

 At 31 weeks, Baby is the size of a pineapple- theoretically. Although, he is a hefty one for his age, so we found the biggest pineapple available :-).

 Last summer, I bought this swimsuit on clearance at Old Navy without trying it on first. I was in the middle of a 40 pound weightloss journey, and it ended up being too big! This summer...just the opposite. Not sure yet if we will make it to August in this one :-).

 While Bryan was away in California, I stayed at my parent's house. This provided ample time for Dylan to perform his stunts for Nana (hand pictured on my stomach above). Since Bryan got home, Dylan has been giving him the cold shoulder. No kicks for daddy.

The giant sausages that are my feet. Pour some BBQ sauce on these Lil' Smokies.

 

 Our new living room set. Daddy is working on the crib and nursery furniture as we speak...more pics coming soon!!!

June 10, 2013

On this day, we had a follow up with Cardiologist #2. We were hoping for just a fast appointment, with no questions and a simple once-over. In the beginning, we only discussed the most recent trip to the emergency room. I asked him how bad it really was for the baby when I get shocked. He said most of the electricity flows between my upper chest and upper back, where the paddles go, but that the baby does feel some of the shock effects. He said “We don’t like to go around shocking babies, but if we have to do what’s best for the mom (and essentially the baby), we have to”. Next he took a look at my ankles and listened to my heart. He reminded me that the swelling and shortness of breath can be common both in people with congestive heart failure, and in pregnant women. He then told me it appears like I am showing more signs of the beginnings of heart failure, and suggested I go on another medication to help reduce swelling. More than just causing irritation to my legs (and sometimes making it difficult to walk), the fluid retention can also go up into my lungs and be evident in the veins of my neck, which he indicated he saw. I also told him I had experienced some chest tightening, which he said could be due to the fluid retention as well. While I am not crazy about going on another medication that the baby will “see” crossing the placenta, he told me it’s necessary if symptoms get worse. Right now, everything appears to be fine, but if I start experiencing more difficulty with the symptoms, I will need to take the diuretic.  He also ordered another echocardiogram (the third one in four months) to see if there is any more expanding or thickening of the chamber walls. When we told him the baby is measuring bigger for his age, and we might induce at 38 or 39 weeks, he said that was good because right now we are just “biding time” until I can undergo more testing. I also asked him if the congestive heart failure will go away or if the symptoms will be reduced after pregnancy, to which he said yes. We are definitely starting to feel a sense of urgency to get this little guy out of here! I just want to keep him safe and non-exposed to any more medications and shock treatments…only about two months left to go!

The next day I had to take a 3 hour glucose tolerance test, to which I passed! This means no gestational diabetes! And today (June 13) I had the follow-up echocardiogram, which showed no changes and the doctor described as "stable" when he called me this evening. So the only thing we need to continue to keep an eye on right now is the fluid retention, which can be hard to gauge in the hot summer months ahead! But for now I am thankful for no significant changes!

 

Here Comes the 3rd Trimester!

 Baby and Me :-)

 The baby really popped out this week! I am starting to get more pregnancy questions, and smiling glances from strangers (rather than the awkward stares from people trying to figure out if I'm pregnant or just chubby...I'm glad things have been cleared up!)

The dreaded "cankles" have arrived!

 

Can't wait for the "4th Trimester" :-) Only 10 more weeks to go!!!

More Gifts and Donations!

 

Someone knows and understands my love for baby shoes, especially Nike :-)

These clothes and toys came from just one family!!!

 



These roses were given to me as a goodbye gift from the staff at my school!

June 3, 2013

Today all my fears were put to rest, as I suspected they would. I woke up this morning with a dread, stress and anxiety. When we saw the first images of our little baby, all that went away. He was a little sleepy this morning at first, but we are quickly finding out that he does not like to be pushed on! He perked up and started kicking and rolling, but not before we got some good shots of his kidneys, stomach, brains, heart, boy parts and facial features! In fact, he looked a little creepy (see his baby face above)! The ultrasound pictures are not always flattering, and the images came out super blurry. His heart rate was also taken, and it was lower this time (112). Once we got dressed and went into the exam room, it sped up a bit to between 115-120. However, this is normal for boys to have slower heart rates. For me, I took a glucose screening that came back a fail, so now I need to go do 3 hours of more intensive screening- that is slightly a bummer!

The other big news of the appointment is that this baby is a GIANT in comparison to where he should be at 28 weeks. He is actually measuring 2 weeks ahead (this may be because I was a big baby- 12 pounds!) The rest of the appointment was catching up with everything that happened the past month, and I asked her for pediatrician recommendations, as I need to get rolling on that! Our next appointment is July 1, and after that it will be every 2 weeks! Getting closer!

June 1, 2013 Those "Other" Feelings

So this is a minor sidestep in another direction, away from the noted, average medical triumphs and tribulations that come with this pregnancy. Its appropriate since today is June 1^st and, as a teacher, my emotions swing as far and wide as a pendulum every June and September. And that’s without being pregnant. My roles change drastically on these two months of the year, and I go from being needed and constantly distracted by 17 demands at one time from my little peers, to suddenly having more time to myself starting in June. Quiet time where my brain suddenly turns back on (or off, if it’s September) and I have to readjust my schedule, my thoughts, and my life once again. Often times I go through a “down” time as I try to figure out what I am doing with my life, address other areas of my life that need attention and/or work, and question if I’m ready to make another 10 month commitment in doing the teaching thing all over again. However, usually, I am in a happy place, and could not feel more fortunate for this blessing growing inside me.

If things had gone according to my own imperfect plan, I would be due to deliver any day now, and I would have had three months of chasing the demands of one little peer, before deciding if I was ready to go back to teaching in September. But God has a way of making His plans higher than mine. I still haven’t figured out why I have been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, or why I had to find out early on in pregnancy, and subsequently deal with both medical conditions that often collide in rude and unexpected ways, but it is what it is and there is nothing I can do to change it. I just thank God now that I have two more months (at least) to rest and prepare for this little guy, as this last month of working as been treacherous on my body (I think the 2^nd trimester has been even harder than the 1^st!). And, with delivering a baby at the end of August, the idea of whether or not to return to school in September was a no-brainer. Luckily, God had a plan for that one as well.

By God’s grace, Bryan and I feel like we are in a place where I can take a couple months off through various means that have presented themselves in the past month or two. And it sounds like I will need this time to recover, and then begin more medical testing for my heart. And, after all the stress of the past year (with no vacation), I am hoping to join Bryan in Vegas the end of October/early November for the annual car show- but that depends on what kind of baby this guy is, and if we think he will mind traveling or not. Best of all, I was offered a part-time job by a very understanding employer who knows my situation and is willing to make adjustments for me, so that I can help contribute to our family’s income, and also give the grandmas and aunties some time with this little guy as well (plus daddy has Mondays off, so that will help too!).

With all that being said, I am trying my best to mentally prepare myself for all the changes that are about to happen, even within the next week. This upcoming week I will quit my job from the past six years, and say goodbye to the family at my school- my co-workers, students, and families of students. We are also saying goodbye to Bryan’s brother this week, who after 4 ½ years (some of that time being overseas in the military) will be moving out of our home to his new home on his own. This will give Bryan and I some time to enjoy our last couple months alone together before welcoming our next roommate (and I can have the appropriate time to “nest” J). I will also be turning 30 shortly, which brings on some mental challenges of its own. And, pretty soon we will be a mother and a father, for the rest of our lives. Which is just weird.

As I have more time now to sit back and think about all that has been thrown our way in the past six months, another feeling that keeps creeping up is that of regret. Up until this point in my life, I have been blessed to truly say I have no regrets. The Lord has guided my steps, and by wisdom outside my own control, I have somehow followed. I found the man I was going to marry and have a family with early on, and through the growing changes of our adolescents, we somehow managed to stay together or always find our way back to each other. I knew early on that I wanted to be a teacher, and followed all the steps to getting me there and on the doorstep of my current school, where I got to teach AND share the good news of Jesus Christ. And I have a loving family who I have never turned my back on, nor them on me. I have friends who I can say the same for. And Bryan and I were guided to our church home the month before we were married, and its where we have been ever since. Up until this point, despite a few minor bumps (by comparison, though at the time they felt monumental) along the way, life has been perfect.

However, there is one regret. It’s the regret that we waited too long. That this baby in my belly is not starting kindergarten next year, and that he doesn’t have one or two little brothers or sisters following along behind him… because now he probably never will. Because we waited too long. Six years ago my health was fine, and I could have sustained a pregnancy better than I can now (most likely). And who knows what it will be like in the next one or two years, so the question of if we will have another child is a big, hairy question (although we think we know the answer). Its not all bad, though. We had valid reasons for waiting. We got to enjoy seven years of marriage, just being us together, we got to travel and do whatever we wanted, and we overcame the financial hurdles (most of them!) that we graduated college with. We are still by no means where we wanted to be, financially speaking, and we never took that trip to Hawaii, but at the time we decided to start trying, we just knew it was time. And now we know why. And on the days like today when I really allow myself to stop and think, I wish we had done it sooner. I’m just so thankful we didn’t wait any longer, and that it did not take too long to conceive.

One of those “other” feelings I am dealing with now, especially within the last two weeks, is paranoia. My doctor has me in a full state of alert, and I am in tune with every fiber of my body at every moment of the day, and it is seriously freaking me out. Most pregnant women can attest to being in this state during nine months of pregnancy as well, I am sure. But added to the warning signs of trouble in pregnancy, are all the signs and symptoms that an attack on my heart is coming. Most of these things, though, I keep to myself, as I don’t want to worry anyone or be bothered by an unnecessary trip to the hospital (which I fully understand, even in my state of denial, this is not always the wisest or best thing to do for the baby, and I am working on that).

Just going to work each day as been a strain on my psyche, as I push away every little heart flutter or twinge in my left arm. Then there is the tightening in my chest that sometimes presents itself, or the spell of dizziness I get. Is it heart, or is it pregnancy? Pregnancy? Heart? I now covet weekends when I have nothing planned, because that means I won’t have any commitments to break should I have to. When I am at home, I feel safe. And when I am out in public, I notice I tend to become grouchy very fast, because I am not in the safety of my home (sound like paranoia?!?). Tonight I am opting out of going to a parade downtime, even though my husband halfway agreed to going (which is unusual because he hates parades!), because the thought of being stuck downtown amidst hundreds of thousands of people and no way to quickly get out, scares me. I also opted out of going to Seattle for a concert this weekend because that is three hours from home, and from our doctors. I can’t go to California at the end of the month for a family reunion with my husband, because being that far away for an extended period is out of the question. We initially agreed he would still go, though now we are both questioning the logic in that as well, because I may need him here if something should happen (my cardiologist already warned me these attacks could become more frequent and closer between). I have since been wracking my brain trying to think of a person who I could call on at any time of the day, besides Bryan, who I wouldn’t feel bad about asking to spend hours with me in the ER, helping to answer questions from medical staff, if need be. I came up empty. Which leads me to feel ever more thankful for my husband, who has more knowledge of my condition than I do or even the stumped medical professionals working in the ER. All I can say is, living in this constant state of high alert is exhausting.

So this is what happens when I am alone for even a moment (on a Saturday morning) with my thoughts. Usually in the busy-ness of the day, I don’t have time to really stop and think, though often these things do find a way to creep in, eventually (if I let them). When I think about all the changes in my life these past few months, and all the even bigger changes coming within this upcoming week, I hardly feel like its my own life that I am currently dealing with. And when I think of the previous years of marriage, it feels like I am looking back on someone else’s life. I feel like I am currently stuck in a wedge between two lives, and I have no idea what to expect. One thing I do know for sure is that my perspective on life has shifted dramatically, and I see things differently. What I once considered “priorities” are hardly that anymore. I look at our health, our jobs, our finances, and realize any of that can change at any second. But any person with life experience knows that with change comes opportunity, and one must always find the silver lining.

So I am thankful for this current state of being. Sometimes, I find I am the happiest in times of most stress, as I come to lean more heavily on my Savior, Jesus Christ. And luckily, we have another ultrasound to look forward to on Monday morning, where I can have faith that all my worries and concerns will be put to rest and we can enjoy that special moment seeing and bonding a little more with our little son <3. He is a very welcome distraction.