August 16, 2013

Today was our final appointment with the baby doctor before baby! I was not physically examed, as I have not had any more severe contractions or other tell-tale indicators of early labor. So we just went over the C-Section procedure and expected recovery. Hard to believe its just a few more days away!! I am excited to get this boy out of me and in my arms. I am still a little concerned about any potential adverse effects of my heart medication on his little body, as his heart rate is still a little on the low side as well. What a blessing it will be to know he is healthy and okay on Monday!

August 15, 2013

Today we went to go see my other cardiologist, Dr. Walsh. He was not excited about my weight gain and the pillars that have now become my legs. This can all be attributed to water retention, which is “beyond the normal retention expected for pregnancy”. He could also tell by looking at the veins in my neck, which were distended due to my heart being inadequate for pumping fluids properly throughout the body. My job for the next four days is to try as hard as possible for getting some fluids off, by taking a prescription water pill and wearing compression stockings (NOT easy to put on, and I am not a fan of taking any more prescriptions). But my skin is at its max for stretching, and I am barely able to walk on my feet anymore. It used to be in just the evenings, but now by noon I am gimping along, which also puts more pressure on my legs and lower back. I also need to weigh myself daily (yuck!) and if I continue to gain weight, we will need to up the Lasix prescription. Its difficult to know where any more fluid retention would go, and with a c-section I am likely to have a rapid influx following the procedure. Luckily, once the baby is out, Dr. Walsh says we can put a greater effort in quickly getting the water off. I look forward to lots of time on the toilet very soon! Other than this, the appointment went pretty well and quick.

Nursery Pictures!

August 9th, 2013

We had two more doctor appointments this week! One with my original cardiologist, Dr. Jones, and one to check up on baby. With Dr. Jones, we mostly just conversed briefly about my heart, and then we socialized. As always, he told us how surprised he was that he hasn’t seen us in the ER more often during this pregnancy, and we also talked about my dad passing away. He told me I can quit taking my beta blocker, if I am concerned that this is why the baby’s heartbeat is slowing down. He also mentioned the water pill is not too harmful for baby, which is good to hear. We talked about the future post-baby and all the testing that will ensue, and we talked again about whether or not more children will be in our future (he doesn’t seem to think it’s a good idea). We let him know the date of c-section/induction, and he put it on his calendar to be there.

Our visit to Dr. Williams started out with another ultrasound, where we found out he is in the 8 lb range, but measuring 3 weeks ahead (that would be nearly 41 weeks!). All the measurements for fluid, heartrate, blood pressure, etc. were great today! I had gained some weight because I am more puffy, and so we are watching closely for preeclampsia. When the doctor did my physical exam, we found out I am 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced, so that means he could even come early on his own! Her first order of business post ultrasound was to meet with a couple other doctors, where it was decided that we would forego an induction and plan a c-section for sure. This means they had to change my care plan, so that if I go into labor before the scheduled date, we will be all set up. Truthfully, I felt relieved by this news. I know a c-section is not in my best interest, because it could cause tachycardia and result in a cardioversion due to the massive changes in fluid levels post-delivery, but I know this will actually be better for the baby (I had fears of him getting stuck and/or injured by the forceps if I try to push). We went over the c-section procedure, as well as circumcision, and despite the change in plans, Dr. Williams seems to be optimistic about delivering the baby and potentially having another pregnancy down the road, though we will have to see how it all goes in the end. I am ready for this pregnancy to be over. This was a rough week, and I am feeling more run-down and disabled. Monday I was completely down, with blood pressure and circulation issues (now my hands and arms are starting to swell and get tingly) and Dr. Williams wondered if maybe I may have been going into arrhythmia. This makes me nervous, and even more anxious to get this baby safely out! Only one more week!

August 2, 2013

Today became a longer ordeal than was originally planned, as many dates within the last nine months have become. Since our appointment today was to be a simple checkup, Bryan decided to stay at work and I invited my mom to accompany me, so she could meet my doctor and become familiar with the clinic. Fortunately/Unfortunately, she got more of a tour than we both anticipated! Little Dylan thought he was being pretty smart today, and his heart rate dropped down to the low 100s, with a baseline being around 105-110. The nurse tried three different machines with no change. In addition to this, my blood pressure was slightly elevated (probably from the panic caused by the nursing staff and doctor)and swelling had increased. They took my blood and other samples, then sent me down the hall for an ultrasound right away. Luckily, the ultrasound showed an otherwise healthy baby, and he passed his tests for breathing, movement, reflexes, etc, with a score of 8/8.

Nevertheless, the doctor wanted to err on the side of caution, so after our appointment, she sent us back over to Labor and Delivery for two hours of fetal monitoring. This is when Dylan decided to wake up and perform stunts that we could watch on the outside and hear on the inside. I even found out I was having contractions, though I could not feel them. By the end of our two hour visit, his heart rate had spiked up as high as 150. He was the best baby of the day, as one nurse said. So, we got to go home with some pictures of him and the knowledge that everything is still going well. We also confirmed via ultrasound that he has a full head of hair, as we could see it floating in the pictures. J The slower heart rate, which was also beginning at the last visit, may be due to the beta blockers I am taking, or, it may just be the way it is. My heart rate has always been slow as well. However, I just worry that he will have cardiac issues like me, though right now everything is checking out okay.

We also talked again about delivery options, and now it is a toss up between trying to push through naturally (with the help of forceps) or by c-section. We even scheduled a c-section, as now it is looking more likely than 50/50. Either way, an induction or c-section will happen on August 19, which is just 17 days away. Eeeeek! We have two more appointments set up for the next two Fridays, and at least one more ultrasound. We are getting so close!

July 17, 2013

Dear Dylan,      

Ecclesiastes 3:
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Your parents and family have entered upon a season, precious baby boy, where we all eagerly await your arrival. During this season, however, we have also experienced the heart-wrenching loss of one of the greatest men you could have ever known in your lifetime: your Grandpa. It was on this day, July 17, that he gave up his courageous battle against an illness that consumed his body for 18 years. He was so desperately trying to hang on to see you, though, baby Dylan, even if only for another month. He looked forward to having another grandson, and he asked about you daily, even in times when he struggled to understand anything else. He understood how important you are, and he loved you more than you will know. He would reach out from his bed just to touch you in my tummy. It hurts me so much to know that you will never feel the direct touch of his large but comforting hands. However, your dad and I still feel that he will see you and he will know you, and a part of his legacy will live on in you. You may never feel him, or hear his voice, but he will be watching you from Heaven, where he is finally at peace and still, living with the One who created you both.

If he could talk to you, he would tell you he loves you. He would probably tell you he was proud of you, and he would probably encourage you to do anything you wanted or be anything you wanted. He would give you lessons on the facts of life, and you would be at ease just being with him. He would lead you by example to a life of morals and integrity, and the understanding of hard-work and gratefulness for the life you have. Of course, you have your daddy, your mommy, your Nana, your Grandma, your other Grandpa, and a slew of aunts and uncles and cousins to teach you all these things as well. But we will never forget the man you never had the opportunity to meet, and we will tell you about him as often as we can.

We know God has a plan, and all things work together for his purpose, though sometimes its hard to understand. Thanks to the friends and family visits since his passing, I never knew so much about your Grandpa as I do now, even if all we have left are the memories. He truly was a remarkable man, and words can’t express the void he has left in all our hearts. And I hope that when you come, there will be a part of you that is just like him.

Never forget how special or how loved you are, Dylan. You come from a long line of family who will remind you of this, I am sure. And know that this includes the one Grandpa (Paco) who will be smiling down on you from Heaven.

Love, Mom.

July 15, 2013/ July 19, 2013

On Monday, we had a visit with my newer cardiologist's physician's assistant. Since everything cardiac was status quo, it was a very fast appointment. We went over the previous week's incident, and we discussed why donating blood is a bad idea for me.

On Friday, we had a visit with our normal perinatalogist for our standard two-week checkup. Prior to this, we had another ultrasound to check on the baby's size and estimated weight. He was a little sleepy, and his heart-rate at first was only 109, but jumped into the 120s later. It also turns out he is in the 90th percentile and estimated to be 7.1 pounds already, at 34.5 weeks! Finding this information out changed our plan of action a bit. She decided that we would keep a close eye on his size, and there is now a 50/50 chance of doing a C-section instead of attempting to deliver naturally. Before, we had discussed using forceps or a vacuum, but this would not be as effective on a larger baby. The induction is still planned for August 19, though we might go in earlier if he is estimated to be quite large at that time (they are estimated to grow about a half-pound a week for the remainder of time). I will start with an epidural and pushing, but we may change the plans if he is not in a cooperative spirit and the pushing does not go as well as planned. So, as with always, its a wait and see game. :-)

After finishing our appointment at the perinatalogist, we headed over (for the 2nd time in one week!) to Labor and Delivery to have an anesthesia consult, which is recommended practice for high risk pregnancies. She looked at my nasal and throat passages (which, it turns out, are small) and we talked about the general course of action for delivery. Of course, Bryan and I had no questions, as we generally just trust the doctor's judgments, but mostly we have no idea what we are doing, so it was also a very quick visit.

July 11, 2013

Up until this point, we had gone nearly another two months with no hospital visits! Thankfully, however, the visit on this day was not nearly as stressful and almost didn't even happen. I had been at my parent's house the night before, and mentioned to my mom that I had had a few more headaches and periods of light-headedness lately. She mentioned this in a phone call to my sister, who called me and encouraged me to call my doctor, as these can be signs of pre-eclampsia or hypertension. Knowing that nothing is just a simple phone call to my doctor, I waited until the next morning to call. The highest I had seen my blood pressure was 144, but that was after vacuuming. We (as a family) also had been undergoing a lot of stress lately with my dad's ailing health (that is for another post), so this is what I attributed my headaches to.

As expected, once I called the advice nurse, things went from slightly concerning to red alert real fast. Within the first phone call, she asked me a bunch of questions, then told me to take Tylenol and call her back if the headache did not go away by the afternoon. I was satisfied with this answer. But then the nurse called back. She said she talked it over with the doctor on duty (not my normal doctor), and he wanted me to go to Labor and Delivery to get checked out. She told me to call my husband and get there ASAP.

So, this is where we dwelled for the next four hours. We did fetal monitoring via the contraction belt and listened to his heartbeat (it was strong, and I had some mild contractions). The doctor ordered an echocardiogram as well, the results of which the doctor in L&D said looked slightly better than the last test (this could be due to variances in technician's skills). In the end, my blood pressure was lower, my urine showed no protein, and the doctors were satisfied that my headaches were going away with Tylenol. So, we left the hospital with no news being good news, but I sure could've spent those four hours in more productive ways. At least it was nice having peace of mind that Baby Dylan was okay :-).

July 1, 2013

Today was another healthy checkup! We got to hear both my heartbeat and the baby’s, as he was tucked away and hiding. It jumped up a little and is now in the 120 range. He is definitely more active lately! We asked Dr. Williams if she had any more thoughts on the due date, and she said that if nothing happens by August 19, this is the date we will induce! Also, I only have two more weeks (this was week 32) to go before she would let labor continue, if I should begin. I feel like we are so close to being out of the danger zone! On July 19, we will do a growth ultrasound to check his size, and reassess the delivery date, if needed.

Bryan and I celebrated by FINALLY starting to put the nursery together. I wiped down the walls, window, fan, closet shelves, then vacuumed and steamcleaned the carpet. Next the crib/changer and book/toy shelf went up! Now I can start unpacking all the things we have been collecting the past few months, including these adorable decals that I can't wait for him to wear and document each month of growth in :-)! Things are starting to get real!

The Last Three Weeks

The last three weeks (since our last doctor appointment) have been quiet and uneventful in terms of my health! Hooray! Both the echocardiogram and the glucose test came back negative for changes, and I have been feeling somewhat restored of energy since finishing the school year. Bryan took a trip to California, and I resumed my summer job working as an assistant property manager for a local company. No heart issues to speak of, though now it is getting hot, I am getting even more puffy and sweaty, and thus more short on breath. I think this little guy has dropped somewhat, so in terms of pregnancy, my only complaint is the excessive need to pee! He has been busy working on his backstrokes and karate chops in there, and while I am proud of his sweet, innocent endeavors, I would also like to not be disturbed while trying to rest at night :-). Feeling him during the day, though, is always reassuring.

Tomorrow we go see our perinatalogist, and after this appointment, we will see her once every two weeks until closer to delivery date. Tomorrow we hope to get more answers on when to plan on having this baby. My own family situation has changed, and we think my dad is passing away from a long time battle with multiple system atrophy, a neurological condition that slowly (over a couple decades) debilitates his body. He is in the end stages now, though is hanging on until this baby is born. We are believers in God and Heaven, however, and we know that no matter the outcome, he will see this baby. But it would be nice if he could hang on until August. This is also when one of my sisters is planning to arrive to help my mom and help with the baby. So if we could "plan" the delivery time, that would be fantastic. :-)So hopefully tomorrow there will be more updates.

Until then, here is a photographic collection of the past few weeks, as we prepare for this very special arrival:

Baby Dylan (this is his intended name :-)) received his first, very own addressed package in the mail this week! This beautiful quilt came from my sister's mother in law, who my niece affectionately calls Nanny Tanny. She has been praying steadfastly for our health throughout this pregnancy, and she understands Bryan's passion for cars, which may (hopefully) transfer on down the line :-).

 We finally bought our own (very first) brand new couch! No more hand me downs! Once Bryan's brother moved out, we told him to take the old couch and we replaced it with this sectional from Costco.

 Bryan was sure he could fit all three pieces into the bed of our (new to us) truck- a little Ford Ranger! You can't see the doubting Costco employee behind the stacks, gently encouraging him to make separate trips instead.

 I took this picture of the daddy to be on one of our many dinners out this month. You would think with not working over time anymore, I would have more time (or desire) to cook. Nope.

 For the record, this is Fuzzy. I don't think he has been introduced on this blog yet. He is the expectant big brother- 11 years senior. :-)

 And this is my dad. I took this picture of him right before a recent downturn. This was maybe the last time he could sit at the kitchen table (with the help of his wheelchair) and carry on a coherent conversation.

 Bryan has a couple buddies getting married within the year. Should Bryan be a groomsman, I would like to dress Dylan up similarly for kicks. I found this strapping suit at Burlington Coat Factory, and took this picture to remind myself later :-). This suit is very much like the all-white prom suit Bryan proudly wore to our first prom as a "couple" in 2001! (see previous blog)

 

 For our 7th wedding anniversary on June 24, Bryan surprised me at my job with these gorgeous roses and some other treats to enjoy. He is so sweet :-).

 At 31 weeks, Baby is the size of a pineapple- theoretically. Although, he is a hefty one for his age, so we found the biggest pineapple available :-).

 Last summer, I bought this swimsuit on clearance at Old Navy without trying it on first. I was in the middle of a 40 pound weightloss journey, and it ended up being too big! This summer...just the opposite. Not sure yet if we will make it to August in this one :-).

 While Bryan was away in California, I stayed at my parent's house. This provided ample time for Dylan to perform his stunts for Nana (hand pictured on my stomach above). Since Bryan got home, Dylan has been giving him the cold shoulder. No kicks for daddy.

The giant sausages that are my feet. Pour some BBQ sauce on these Lil' Smokies.

 

 Our new living room set. Daddy is working on the crib and nursery furniture as we speak...more pics coming soon!!!

June 10, 2013

On this day, we had a follow up with Cardiologist #2. We were hoping for just a fast appointment, with no questions and a simple once-over. In the beginning, we only discussed the most recent trip to the emergency room. I asked him how bad it really was for the baby when I get shocked. He said most of the electricity flows between my upper chest and upper back, where the paddles go, but that the baby does feel some of the shock effects. He said “We don’t like to go around shocking babies, but if we have to do what’s best for the mom (and essentially the baby), we have to”. Next he took a look at my ankles and listened to my heart. He reminded me that the swelling and shortness of breath can be common both in people with congestive heart failure, and in pregnant women. He then told me it appears like I am showing more signs of the beginnings of heart failure, and suggested I go on another medication to help reduce swelling. More than just causing irritation to my legs (and sometimes making it difficult to walk), the fluid retention can also go up into my lungs and be evident in the veins of my neck, which he indicated he saw. I also told him I had experienced some chest tightening, which he said could be due to the fluid retention as well. While I am not crazy about going on another medication that the baby will “see” crossing the placenta, he told me it’s necessary if symptoms get worse. Right now, everything appears to be fine, but if I start experiencing more difficulty with the symptoms, I will need to take the diuretic.  He also ordered another echocardiogram (the third one in four months) to see if there is any more expanding or thickening of the chamber walls. When we told him the baby is measuring bigger for his age, and we might induce at 38 or 39 weeks, he said that was good because right now we are just “biding time” until I can undergo more testing. I also asked him if the congestive heart failure will go away or if the symptoms will be reduced after pregnancy, to which he said yes. We are definitely starting to feel a sense of urgency to get this little guy out of here! I just want to keep him safe and non-exposed to any more medications and shock treatments…only about two months left to go!

The next day I had to take a 3 hour glucose tolerance test, to which I passed! This means no gestational diabetes! And today (June 13) I had the follow-up echocardiogram, which showed no changes and the doctor described as "stable" when he called me this evening. So the only thing we need to continue to keep an eye on right now is the fluid retention, which can be hard to gauge in the hot summer months ahead! But for now I am thankful for no significant changes!

 

Here Comes the 3rd Trimester!

 Baby and Me :-)

 The baby really popped out this week! I am starting to get more pregnancy questions, and smiling glances from strangers (rather than the awkward stares from people trying to figure out if I'm pregnant or just chubby...I'm glad things have been cleared up!)

The dreaded "cankles" have arrived!

 

Can't wait for the "4th Trimester" :-) Only 10 more weeks to go!!!

More Gifts and Donations!

 

Someone knows and understands my love for baby shoes, especially Nike :-)

These clothes and toys came from just one family!!!

 



These roses were given to me as a goodbye gift from the staff at my school!

June 3, 2013

Today all my fears were put to rest, as I suspected they would. I woke up this morning with a dread, stress and anxiety. When we saw the first images of our little baby, all that went away. He was a little sleepy this morning at first, but we are quickly finding out that he does not like to be pushed on! He perked up and started kicking and rolling, but not before we got some good shots of his kidneys, stomach, brains, heart, boy parts and facial features! In fact, he looked a little creepy (see his baby face above)! The ultrasound pictures are not always flattering, and the images came out super blurry. His heart rate was also taken, and it was lower this time (112). Once we got dressed and went into the exam room, it sped up a bit to between 115-120. However, this is normal for boys to have slower heart rates. For me, I took a glucose screening that came back a fail, so now I need to go do 3 hours of more intensive screening- that is slightly a bummer!

The other big news of the appointment is that this baby is a GIANT in comparison to where he should be at 28 weeks. He is actually measuring 2 weeks ahead (this may be because I was a big baby- 12 pounds!) The rest of the appointment was catching up with everything that happened the past month, and I asked her for pediatrician recommendations, as I need to get rolling on that! Our next appointment is July 1, and after that it will be every 2 weeks! Getting closer!

June 1, 2013 Those "Other" Feelings

So this is a minor sidestep in another direction, away from the noted, average medical triumphs and tribulations that come with this pregnancy. Its appropriate since today is June 1^st and, as a teacher, my emotions swing as far and wide as a pendulum every June and September. And that’s without being pregnant. My roles change drastically on these two months of the year, and I go from being needed and constantly distracted by 17 demands at one time from my little peers, to suddenly having more time to myself starting in June. Quiet time where my brain suddenly turns back on (or off, if it’s September) and I have to readjust my schedule, my thoughts, and my life once again. Often times I go through a “down” time as I try to figure out what I am doing with my life, address other areas of my life that need attention and/or work, and question if I’m ready to make another 10 month commitment in doing the teaching thing all over again. However, usually, I am in a happy place, and could not feel more fortunate for this blessing growing inside me.

If things had gone according to my own imperfect plan, I would be due to deliver any day now, and I would have had three months of chasing the demands of one little peer, before deciding if I was ready to go back to teaching in September. But God has a way of making His plans higher than mine. I still haven’t figured out why I have been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy, or why I had to find out early on in pregnancy, and subsequently deal with both medical conditions that often collide in rude and unexpected ways, but it is what it is and there is nothing I can do to change it. I just thank God now that I have two more months (at least) to rest and prepare for this little guy, as this last month of working as been treacherous on my body (I think the 2^nd trimester has been even harder than the 1^st!). And, with delivering a baby at the end of August, the idea of whether or not to return to school in September was a no-brainer. Luckily, God had a plan for that one as well.

By God’s grace, Bryan and I feel like we are in a place where I can take a couple months off through various means that have presented themselves in the past month or two. And it sounds like I will need this time to recover, and then begin more medical testing for my heart. And, after all the stress of the past year (with no vacation), I am hoping to join Bryan in Vegas the end of October/early November for the annual car show- but that depends on what kind of baby this guy is, and if we think he will mind traveling or not. Best of all, I was offered a part-time job by a very understanding employer who knows my situation and is willing to make adjustments for me, so that I can help contribute to our family’s income, and also give the grandmas and aunties some time with this little guy as well (plus daddy has Mondays off, so that will help too!).

With all that being said, I am trying my best to mentally prepare myself for all the changes that are about to happen, even within the next week. This upcoming week I will quit my job from the past six years, and say goodbye to the family at my school- my co-workers, students, and families of students. We are also saying goodbye to Bryan’s brother this week, who after 4 ½ years (some of that time being overseas in the military) will be moving out of our home to his new home on his own. This will give Bryan and I some time to enjoy our last couple months alone together before welcoming our next roommate (and I can have the appropriate time to “nest” J). I will also be turning 30 shortly, which brings on some mental challenges of its own. And, pretty soon we will be a mother and a father, for the rest of our lives. Which is just weird.

As I have more time now to sit back and think about all that has been thrown our way in the past six months, another feeling that keeps creeping up is that of regret. Up until this point in my life, I have been blessed to truly say I have no regrets. The Lord has guided my steps, and by wisdom outside my own control, I have somehow followed. I found the man I was going to marry and have a family with early on, and through the growing changes of our adolescents, we somehow managed to stay together or always find our way back to each other. I knew early on that I wanted to be a teacher, and followed all the steps to getting me there and on the doorstep of my current school, where I got to teach AND share the good news of Jesus Christ. And I have a loving family who I have never turned my back on, nor them on me. I have friends who I can say the same for. And Bryan and I were guided to our church home the month before we were married, and its where we have been ever since. Up until this point, despite a few minor bumps (by comparison, though at the time they felt monumental) along the way, life has been perfect.

However, there is one regret. It’s the regret that we waited too long. That this baby in my belly is not starting kindergarten next year, and that he doesn’t have one or two little brothers or sisters following along behind him… because now he probably never will. Because we waited too long. Six years ago my health was fine, and I could have sustained a pregnancy better than I can now (most likely). And who knows what it will be like in the next one or two years, so the question of if we will have another child is a big, hairy question (although we think we know the answer). Its not all bad, though. We had valid reasons for waiting. We got to enjoy seven years of marriage, just being us together, we got to travel and do whatever we wanted, and we overcame the financial hurdles (most of them!) that we graduated college with. We are still by no means where we wanted to be, financially speaking, and we never took that trip to Hawaii, but at the time we decided to start trying, we just knew it was time. And now we know why. And on the days like today when I really allow myself to stop and think, I wish we had done it sooner. I’m just so thankful we didn’t wait any longer, and that it did not take too long to conceive.

One of those “other” feelings I am dealing with now, especially within the last two weeks, is paranoia. My doctor has me in a full state of alert, and I am in tune with every fiber of my body at every moment of the day, and it is seriously freaking me out. Most pregnant women can attest to being in this state during nine months of pregnancy as well, I am sure. But added to the warning signs of trouble in pregnancy, are all the signs and symptoms that an attack on my heart is coming. Most of these things, though, I keep to myself, as I don’t want to worry anyone or be bothered by an unnecessary trip to the hospital (which I fully understand, even in my state of denial, this is not always the wisest or best thing to do for the baby, and I am working on that).

Just going to work each day as been a strain on my psyche, as I push away every little heart flutter or twinge in my left arm. Then there is the tightening in my chest that sometimes presents itself, or the spell of dizziness I get. Is it heart, or is it pregnancy? Pregnancy? Heart? I now covet weekends when I have nothing planned, because that means I won’t have any commitments to break should I have to. When I am at home, I feel safe. And when I am out in public, I notice I tend to become grouchy very fast, because I am not in the safety of my home (sound like paranoia?!?). Tonight I am opting out of going to a parade downtime, even though my husband halfway agreed to going (which is unusual because he hates parades!), because the thought of being stuck downtown amidst hundreds of thousands of people and no way to quickly get out, scares me. I also opted out of going to Seattle for a concert this weekend because that is three hours from home, and from our doctors. I can’t go to California at the end of the month for a family reunion with my husband, because being that far away for an extended period is out of the question. We initially agreed he would still go, though now we are both questioning the logic in that as well, because I may need him here if something should happen (my cardiologist already warned me these attacks could become more frequent and closer between). I have since been wracking my brain trying to think of a person who I could call on at any time of the day, besides Bryan, who I wouldn’t feel bad about asking to spend hours with me in the ER, helping to answer questions from medical staff, if need be. I came up empty. Which leads me to feel ever more thankful for my husband, who has more knowledge of my condition than I do or even the stumped medical professionals working in the ER. All I can say is, living in this constant state of high alert is exhausting.

So this is what happens when I am alone for even a moment (on a Saturday morning) with my thoughts. Usually in the busy-ness of the day, I don’t have time to really stop and think, though often these things do find a way to creep in, eventually (if I let them). When I think about all the changes in my life these past few months, and all the even bigger changes coming within this upcoming week, I hardly feel like its my own life that I am currently dealing with. And when I think of the previous years of marriage, it feels like I am looking back on someone else’s life. I feel like I am currently stuck in a wedge between two lives, and I have no idea what to expect. One thing I do know for sure is that my perspective on life has shifted dramatically, and I see things differently. What I once considered “priorities” are hardly that anymore. I look at our health, our jobs, our finances, and realize any of that can change at any second. But any person with life experience knows that with change comes opportunity, and one must always find the silver lining.

So I am thankful for this current state of being. Sometimes, I find I am the happiest in times of most stress, as I come to lean more heavily on my Savior, Jesus Christ. And luckily, we have another ultrasound to look forward to on Monday morning, where I can have faith that all my worries and concerns will be put to rest and we can enjoy that special moment seeing and bonding a little more with our little son <3. He is a very welcome distraction.

May 20, 2013

Be careful what you publish, because it may not last forever L. Today we ended my four month streak of heart healthy, good behavior and I ended up needing to go to the ER for another cardioversion (the 2^nd one of this pregnancy, 3^rd total in my life). Bryan remarked how each time gets easier and faster, which is true. I also had an odd premonition this morning as I was getting dressed and piling on layers of clothes and accessories. At one point I wondered how fast it could all be ripped off in an emergency (only about 10 seconds with the help of 10-15 medical staff in one ER room, in case you are wondering.) Usually the odd feelings have started the night before, which came on suddenly when I was brushing my teeth last night and headed for bed.

I woke up feeling thankful this morning that I did wake up, and as I went about the day I had odd rushes of weakness and a racing heart, though nothing consistent so I just crossed my fingers and counted down the hours until school was over, walking slowly in the halls and teaching from my chair, reasoning with myself that it was just a case of the Mondays and I needed more rest. After lunch time, when we came back from recess and I found that I could barely instruct the math lesson as I became short of breath, I knew it was time to text my other half, who I swear sometimes knows me better than myself, which is a major blessing. Plus I suck at making decisions. And really, who wants to make the choice to go to the hospital on a nice, sunny spring day? But, Bryan being reasonable Bryan, made the decision that we would go get things checked out, especially since my left arm began feeling weak with shooting pains (a telltale sign of heart trouble). As I waited for him, I tried to count my heart rate and clocked about 80 beats per minute, which was only about 30 more than my regular heart rate. I texted one of my cardiologists, but he was preoccupied and did not immediately text back. I began getting hot flashes and sweating as I waited in the school office. Bryan showed up just a few minutes later to go collect my belongings in my classroom, and three staff members came and prayed over me and the baby, and that is when things got real. As we drove to the hospital with the windows down, I actually started to feel better (aside from not being able to breathe) and I started doubting myself, as Bryan sped down the highway (only getting flipped off once! I had to remind him he is not a legit ambulance, and other drivers may not understand the situation).

Once we walked into the ER, the nurses did not mess around. I told them I was there because I thought I was having tachycardia and I also have cardiomyopathy. One keen nurse eyed my belly and asked if I had “any other medical conditions?” When I told her I was six months pregnant, she immediately called down a nurse from labor and delivery to bring a fetal monitor to check on the baby. They laid me down and wheeled me back, without even first checking my vitals in the waiting room, as they had done before. Once we got into the first room available, 10-15 staff were immediately there, asking Bryan and I questions from all angles. I remember thinking it was all happening too fast, and having gone through this before, there was not really this big of a need for fuss (I could tell they were having a busy day as it was). But once the monitors were hooked up, it indeed proved my fear: my heart rate was 170, over three times as fast as it normally functions. Making matters worse, now that we know more about the dysfunction of my heart, and I don’t simply have tachycardia, messing around in any way with it is a trickier proposition. And the fact that we had to explain this all to brand new people who have no idea what to make of the situation is quite an unsettling feeling. My cardiologist was still not answering the texts we were sending him, and the ER doctor was okay but he didn’t have the best bedside manner. Though I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, his comments and jokes were somewhat offensive (like, “You’re not one of those people that are going to have five kids, are you?”). Once I was stabilized, we told him we would prefer to wait it out until my cardiologist could be reached.

Luckily, it wasn’t much longer until Dr. Jones called the ER doctor and told him what we said all along about the proper course of treatment. The ER doctor was hesitant to do a cardioversion, but it is the only option in my case. Unfortunately, the further along in the pregnancy I get, the more effected the baby becomes. I hate putting myself first, but as the doctors said, “it’s what has to be done”. Once I am later into the third trimester, we may have to weigh the options about whether to deliver first before doing a cardioversion. Plus, Dr. Jones told me he thinks today is a sign that the third trimester will see a lot more visits to the ER, so that was not great to hear. But, he was wrong before so he can be wrong again! Like I said before, it had been four months since the last major incident- nearly half the pregnancy!

The doctors agreed to try a lower dosage of electroshock- only around 100 joules. After we got the go ahead, I was hooked up to oxygen and administered the propofol drug to put me to sleep and stop my heart. As Bryan walked out of the room and my eyes began to get heavy, I wondered if that would be the last time I would close my eyes (my second premonition of the day?). I don’t even remember waking up- I just remember seeing the labor and delivery nurse wrapping a contraction belt around my belly and hooking me up to the fetal monitor and Bryan standing in the corner. As we sat there for the next hour, we listened to the baby swimming and kicking around. It turns out he is a little rockstar. I am so proud of that little guy- I have not always given him the smoothest ride in this pregnancy, but he always shows off his amazing resilience to anything. For being 26 weeks old, his heart rate was solid and his movements were perfect. I dozed off and on during this time, talking a little to the nurse who sat with us in the room, and occasionally laughing at his small little hiccups. At one point, I needed to go to the bathroom (despite having a full bladder, thankfully I didn’t pee the bed when I was shocked) so the nurse left the room. As Bryan held the wires I was hooked to while I leaned over the commode, he asked “At what point is pregnancy a beautiful thing?” I couldn’t agree more. While I said I would never be one of those women to complain, because we know plenty of women who would move heaven and earth to be blessed with a child, I am finally beginning to understand the havoc it wreaks on one’s body!

After getting back in bed, my heart was still not as stable as Bryan and I would’ve liked, and the ER doctor was a little concerned too. It would go from the 50s to 150s and back to the 50s in a matter of seconds, and shake me awake like a rumbling earthquake, which had not happened immediately after a cardioversion before. But when my regular cardiologist finally made it down to check on us, he said this was normal as I was finding my rhythm again and letting the dust settle. We could finally be released after three hours! We ended up chatting with the doctor for awhile about life and family, and he told me if I was ever in doubt again, I could call, text or just go into his office to get checked by EKG, and we could go from there. Once he left, we packed up our stuff and headed home. I had a killer headache, and Bryan was exhausted (luckily it was his day off) so we took a nap then made dinner. After taking a shower, I discovered a pretty significant burn mark on my chest and I am hoping it doesn’t keep me awake tonight like it did last time. However, knowing everything is okay, and the baby is okay (my number one concern over anything) should help me sleep better! And it was fun to hear him a little more clearer today. Two more weeks until our next ultrasound and doctor appointment- hopefully we can make it that long without having to visit St. Vincents again! J

May 17, 2013

Woo hoo! We made it two whole weeks without a doctor’s appointment, or a trip to the hospital! However, I had experienced some things in the past couple of weeks that were new to me, and thus concerning, but in the end they just seem to be other common symptoms of pregnancy! I won’t go into the details…J I did learn, though, that while my husband and my conscience were telling me to “Just call the advice nurse to ask if this is normal”, I fought it with all I could and either denied or made up excuses for the symptoms. I am truly fearful of any little thing that can throw me back in the hospital, and I am doing my best to stay out. Some may think its denial, I call it survival! And luckily in this case, in the end, the problems I was (am) having are nothing too concerning, and should be easily curable. This according to the cardiologist we saw today, and the advice nurse, who I finally ended up calling!

The appointment today was also just another routine checkup on my swelling and heart rhythm problems. For the first time, I was warned about my weight gain and told that I MUST wear compression socks (I have worn them twice in the past two weeks, and hated each day, all day). All in all, however, this doctor echoed what the other one had said about the wonderful progress I have had so far with this pregnancy, and no major or threatening issues. All of this may be surprising and impressing to the care team, but for our family and us, we know this is because of the prayers for health and protection on behalf of this baby that our friends and family are circling us with. And though I may be becoming more grumpy about the other pregnancy related symptoms that are cropping up, I have to truly be thankful that they are ONLY pregnancy related problems, and not cardiac as well. I always said I would never be the type of pregnant woman who complains, and now more than ever, I see the blessings in the acid reflux, constant pressure to urinate, and so forth J.

May 3, 2013

Today we met with our regular perinatalogist for our 4-week checkup. The good news for this appointment was that she does not want to push me past 39 weeks, so we can expect to induce our little guy at least a week early! She also mentioned, however, that with my cardiac condition, they will want to keep me a couple extra days for recovery and monitoring. That was a little disappointing, as I am pretty excited for all this to be over, but I know it is for the best. Everything else we discussed was about normal pregnancy aches and pains…thankfully, not too much to complain about though!

…And since then: The week I had these two doctor appointments was also a busy week at school. And truthfully, the past two weekends have been crazy busy and non-stop movement. This weekend I quickly realized, after sleeping most of the weekend away, that I have a new activity threshold, and I need to get used to it! I'm not the same girl I used to be, and I need to slow down and allow myself time to rest. At the same time, I feel like with only 3.5 months left, the pressure is on to get everything ready and get all my “ducks in a row” before baby comes. There is so much I want/need to do, and time is running out. This also neatly coincides with the ending of the school year, which is also a crazy time! However, I don’t want the next five weeks to slow down. I am actually really ready to be done with full time work- it has gotten amazingly difficult to get myself up and ready each morning, and keep up with the daily demands (something else I never imagined). I feel like I am in an awkward limbo at the moment. This weekend was good for me though- I did my best not to communicate with anyone, took myself off Facebook and email for the most part, and just focused on enjoying the quiet. Lately I have found myself in the middle of conversations, when I quickly realize “I am done. I don’t want to talk anymore.”  But how do you graciously tell someone to shut up? I'm sorry if that seems rude…its just another example of the crazy pregnancy symptoms I am feeling, I guess. This, along with random spurts of crying episodes for things that feel so ridiculous later. Blame it on the pregnancy hormones!

Other Fun Photos!

This photo was taken April 26, 2013 at Mom's work- just four months before your official due date!

I have a little bit of a baby shoe/booty fetish. Here are my collections so far :-)

My students and their families are getting pretty excited about baby's arrival, too! Here is one example of a teacher appreciation gift! :-)

Here is another example of the excitement going on at school! Little girls love to pretend!

At 24 weeks, you are the size of a cantaloupe! And getting more and more physically active all the time!

Dad and Mom in the Beginning :-)

This photo was taken at prom, a week or two after we officially began dating...shortly before my high school graduation!

May 1, 2013

Today I saw my former cardiologist, the heart rhythm specialist, for a 3 month checkup. He had several assistants on hand whom we met, and they asked us lots of (repeating) questions (I assume for educational purposes). When it came time to see the actual doctor, he let us know he was really surprised he had not seen us at least a few times in the hospital since our last appointment. However, this was a good thing! He did express his wish that we had notified him when I was in the hospital for the flu, as he would’ve come to check on me. Such a sweet guy! There was not anything really new to the appointment- we get to keep him for the long run, in addition to the other cardiologist, as I still am working with two seemingly separate issues. He mentioned that, according to the recent echocardiogram, the sternum area between my two chambers seems to have grown in the past three months, but only from a 3.1 to a 3.3, so they are not sure if that is error in measurement.  They will keep an eye on it…

April 25, 2013

Today we had another echocardiogram of my heart, since the doctor was not sure if I am experiencing excess swelling due to pregnancy or congestive heart failure. Since I had parent-teacher conferences into the evening, he was only able to reach my voicemail with the results, but said my heart looks “stable”. We will find out more info when we see all three doctors in the next 1-3 weeks!

April 18, 2013

Today we had our 2^nd appointment with Dr. Walsh. Bryan says there was not a whole lot of new information divulged, though it felt like this to me. He thinks maybe the first time we went, I was simply focused on knowing one thing: whether or not it was in my best (physical) interest to continue the pregnancy. With this sour taste in my mouth (despite the Dr. being a SUPER nice guy), I was extremely nervous for today’s appointment. We started off talking about last week’s flu incident, but then the topic immediately shifted when he noticed my swollen ankles and feet. He asked me how my breathing was, and if I felt more severe shortness of breath. He described many of the common symptoms of congestive heart failure, which is what some people with my hypertrophic-cardiomyopathy experience, but then immediately compared them to pregnancy symptoms (almost completely identical). Since I found out I was pregnant and began re-developing heart issues all within one month of each other, it is hard to know what to blame these symptoms on. He suggested another echocardiogram done soon, to look for any potential changes, as well as bump up our visits to monthly, as all we can do at this point is monitor the symptoms and look for worsening, which may be more indicative of congestive heart failure. In keeping with a positive train of thought, not all people with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy go into congestive heart failure, and many can live successful lives on beta blocker medications alone. However, we will not know where I lie on the spectrum until I have finished the pregnancy and can be more thoroughly tested. He did say he is concerned at the rapid rate in which my heart has deteriorated into its current state, which all adds up to bigger questions. At this point, my two cardiologists (I see the other one on May 1) are scratching their heads, as many abnormalities have popped up between the two issues I have going on. But I digress….the first and main priority for all of us right now is getting through a healthy pregnancy, a successful delivery, and ending with a healthy baby and…then me. J
One bit of happy news is that once I complete my second trimester (seven more weeks!), the chances for cardiac complications go down, as my heart won’t be working as hard as it had to in the first two trimesters. When we talked about delivery, again the answer was “Lets wait and see”. He did mention that for his patients, he has to determine if it is best to deliver on the cardiac floor, in the ICU, or in the standard labor and delivery. Lucky for me, with how well I have been doing so far, he seems to think I will be okay with the standard labor and delivery. However, a cardiac nurse will be present, and I will need to be hooked up to a heart monitor. As for methods of getting this little bean out…well, that is still up in the air.

Another bit of interesting news was further details on the abnormalities of my heart rhythm and also the shape of my heart. So one test to perform will be an MRI of the heart, after baby is born. We talked about how I don’t fit into the “box” for either diagnosis (Wolffe Parkinson White and Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) and the doctors want to do more studying to find a potential link, if there is one. I could be carrying some sort of gene that has until now gone undetected or unclassified…maybe I can get a new disease named after me! He also talked to us about the potential of visiting bigger research hospitals where people around the world go to, such as the Mayo Clinic. I forgot to ask if it was all expense paid. We also talked about genetic testing, as two out of my three sisters have since completed and successfully passed their EKGs and Echocardiograms, but if I were to undergo genetic testing and have markers for the specific genes that are causing this issue, they could use this to their advantage in future evaluations. The doctor told us that they don’t particularly carry out genetic testing, because there are so many mutations and variants of this heart disease that it would be nearly impossible to find what exactly I am carrying or what the cause is. He did say, unfortunately, that once the parent is found to have this disease, the potential for off-spring to inherit it is 50/50.

We talked about my own life expectancy, and he assured me that, while we still need to test to know more details, he is hopeful that I have the less severe case of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and that I won’t be among the smaller group who will need a defibrillator- that is, he is hoping I don’t have the dangerous kind of heart rhythm that could lead to cardiac arrest, and he did not seem to think my life would be adversely affected or shortened due to this either. We also talked about heart transplants, which are only reserved for a select few who don’t respond to any other kind of treatment, and as Bryan said, its like trading one problem for another. I have also been preoccupied with the feeling lately that I may be a danger to others, especially when driving and if I have a medical emergency, though he did not seem to think this is a likely scenario at this point. Once again, he reiterated how well I am doing and how great it is that I have managed to keep myself out of trouble for the past three months. Bryan and I credit God, prayers, and our stubborn German heritage :-).

Well, this is all the information I have retained and can remember for now. Its time to go put my swollen cankles up in the air. (This is something else exciting I may get to look forward to- compression stockings and potentially going back on diuretics- but only if necessary, although there are some that are safe for pregnancy). As Bryan said, the doctor talked A LOT (about 30 minutes) and he used some big words. For every issue we discussed, there were three or four subsequent bullet points he presented, which made me wish I could record the conversation, or not feel like an idiot as I tried to keep up and take notes at the same time. But he was very patient with us, answered all of our questions, and put our little minds at ease…for the moment. We really could not ask for a better and more patient set of doctors. We are truly blessed in the midst of all of this.