This morning was a very scary
morning for me. I woke up and noticed some spotting, which was not usual. I
remembered that some documents I had read said not to be too concerned unless
the blood is bright red and persists. When I asked some people at work, and my
sister, none had experienced anything like it, except for one. But, when I
googled it, I learned it can be common, especially around 12 weeks. My fears
were calmed until I called the doctor, just to be sure. They asked me to come
in that day for an ultrasound, since I was still in the first trimester. This
was an unsettling feeling, and as I drove (alone- Bryan was swamped at work,
though he really wished he could be there) to the appointment, my mind raced
to, “What if there is no heartbeat?” Luckily, I did not have to wait too long
to see the “very sleepy” baby with a healthy heart rate of 155, and even
measuring to be a few days bigger than what we had estimated. You, baby, have been through so much already, but you are very
stubborn and persistent, just like your Dad and Mom!
THEN we saw even more than I
anticipated. I remembered a friend had found out the probable gender of her
baby at 12 weeks, so I asked the ultrasound tech if she could see anything.
When she asked if I really wanted to know, I hesitated because the daddy-to-be
was not with me, and I didn’t know if it would be fair. But curiosity got the best
of me, and she said “Well, there has been something hanging out here the entire
time” and zoomed in on the proper location to reveal the likelihood was high
that we were having a BOY! When I texted this to Bryan as soon as possible, he
was SO EXCITED, and also relieved that everything was okay.
While I was in my
appointment, he had a divine appointment of his own, when an auto parts delivery man
came in and saw the picture of our last ultrasound hanging on Bryan’s wall. In
the moment when Bryan was most nervous about the outcome of this ultrasound,
this man came into his office and told him what a blessing this baby would be
to us!
Unfortunately, much like the first ultrasound, my joy and elation was
dashed by the follow-up with the doctor before leaving the office. During this
time, I found out that the appointment we had with the new cardiologist the
next Monday was to determine if the pregnancy was “safe” to continue, and what
the safest way to “terminate” it would be, if needed. I nodded my head like I
understood and told my emotions not to “feel” anything as I listened to her
words. She told me she wanted to see me the next morning, after the appointment
and after she talked to the cardiologist, so we could determine a plan. If the
pregnancy were to continue, she would want to see us every 2-3 weeks to check
in. She ended with telling me that she didn’t think he would tell us to
terminate, and that I seemed to be doing really well so far. In my heart and my
mind, I already knew this as well, and I knew it was because of my faith and
because of all the people who were already praying for me, even though at this
point we hadn’t told anyone the full story and the severity of the situation.
I
fell apart when I got to Bryan’s shop, but we both quickly pulled it together
when we realized that God was with us, and that this baby is a true blessing,
and would not have been given to us had I not been able to handle it. We were
so thankful the ultrasound today showed everything was good, and the pregnancy
was on track. We even got to reveal your suspected gender to Nana and Paco in
their very special Valentines Day card that night (the rest of the family was told the next day, on Valentines Day). So, the wait until
the next appointment began. I had never dreaded another appointment more in my
life. I felt like we were facing huge giants at this intersection of the
pregnancy, and in my own life.
BOY!!! Or is it?!
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